While living in Minnesota last Fall, I wandering into a yoga and healing center, immediately met the owner and within days had 3 paintings of mudras displayed on their walls. It was serendipitous and I started taking classes, meeting other amazing creative souls and feeling the healing powers of Love and Light meld within my own soul as I released and came to terms with my adventures through the summer.
These last few months have been difficult as I’ve swam through my anger and frustration at the state of my life and why when I’d worked so hard, nothing seemed to be falling in place. I’ve kept going on my leap of faith not knowing where I’ll land and recently it feels like maybe I never will. I’ve blinded my own eyes in the process and become afraid of my own power, hiding in fear that maybe all of this is for naught, maybe I made a wrong choice and I should have listened when my parents and my grandma told me to stop all this nonsense and get a “real” job. In the last few weeks, I’ve succumbed to my despair, beating myself endlessly for following my passion above what a normally sane human might have chosen. I remind myself daily that I’ve made my life and the pressure I’m placing on myself has finally revealed that I’ve stretched my body past a level of healthy tolerance and I’ve become a tied up knot, unable to remember what it was like to be free. Each step has been encumbered by fear and I’ve started losing the faith that enabled me to jump in the first place.
Wrecked with all these emotions and pressure and at my wits end, I flew back to Minnesota a couple of days ago, in hopes of finding the answers to release the physical pain that has hindered my body and spirit within these last few weeks. I arrived in Minnesota with a sharp pain in my right side, extending down through my hip and up into my right lung, shoulder, neck and even my right sinus, leading to fits of painful coughing and a terrible headache. My mother immediately made plans to take me to the ER where I found out I have pneumonia.
In an effort to rid myself of these chains of negativity that have manifested, I walked back into Healing Elements. It was like coming home, I instantly felt my stress fade away as I received a hug from a woman I met months ago. Welcoming me with a warm smile, she gave me a stone to hold and she lit some palo santo as she asked why I had come. Life has gotten the best of me and in order to have a semblance of control, I’ve blocked my creativity and surrendered to the breeze, a tumultuous tumble that has overcome my positive passion and the intention to heal myself and others. I told her of my fear of flight within this leap of faith and my concern that I’ve chosen incorrectly what I hoped my life would become.
She smiled again, assuring me that if I wish to be healed, it’s already happened. She slyly suggested that time doesn’t move like I think and to my surprise, it will all happen faster than I anticipate. She guaranteed me that my good intentions have been noticed by the universe and as long as I follow through, things will become easier. She told me all it takes is a mustard seed sized amount of faith and big things will come. I then laid face up on the massage table as she moved my energy, using Reiki to tell me where my energy is stuck and to help release my pain, my trauma and my fears of what that feels like. She asked if I could feel the energy moving and if I always felt pain in specific places, I told her it might not be pain, but there is a constant awareness and anticipation of pain even when it might not be felt.
She offered me breath, release and she encouraged me to feel fresh air flowing inside and outside, and she reminded me to remember what it’s like to feel free.
What is it like to feel free? I remember the bubble up of happiness, my outstretched arms and a sparkling future. I couldn’t wait to move forward, my body always buzzing from excitement and each night as I happily closed my eyes, I couldn’t wait until they opened again with the bright sun. Free and the living is easy because I knew every second of my day was filled with the passion that gives me life, a passion born from the intention of making sure that each human in this world knows without a doubt that they are loved and they are love.
I have rediscovered my power, I have remembered my freedom and strangely (or not!) I have no pain within my body.